Red Ring of Death

There are four words that any Xbox 360 owner fears may come to visit their system: Red Ring of Death.

I knew the signs that foreshadowed their coming; last weekend while playing Rock Band the Xbox froze.  It had never done that before.  When I turned it back on, everything seemed to work... but there was no video.  No video?  Oh, the horrible seed that was planted in my mind.  Surely, I had done everything right to stave of this spector of evil.

I tried turning the system off and then back on - and everything worked.  Hours of Rock Band were played that day.

Today, while doing the menial task of streaming "Frasier" video the XBox's Media Center Extender function (turning the xbox into, basically, a dvr), it froze again.  Same deal.  I turned if off.  When it came back on, no video.  Turn it off, wait a few moments... turn it back on and everything worked just fine.

Ashley's episode of Fraiser was over and she went downstairs to make one of our favorite dishes, which I call "the noodley thing."  Basically, noodle and spices and cheese and chicken.  So I fire up Rock Band, working on the last leg of the solo drum "hard" gigs.

It froze again.  The reality set in.  I stared at the Xbox, not wanting to know what would happen.  I turned it off.  Waited.  Turned it on:


The horror of red staring me in the face, taunting me with it's evil electrical glare.  Blinking, flashing to get my attention.  Like I didn't see you, Red Ring of Death!  You, who swoop down from mysterious origins, held at bay by proper air flow!  What did I do wrong to deserve you?  Your electrical current is stable and even!  You rest side ways, surrounded by free air!  You should not be here, you vile symbol of death and destruction!

And yet, here you are.  I reject you, Red Ring of Death.  You will be exorcised from the circuitboard of my faithful 360 by the nice techs who work for your maker.  Oh, 1-800-4MYXBOX, your promises of safe passage for my beloved box of virutal worlds must hold steadfast and true!

You were one of the first off the assembly line, turned over to my service even before launch due to the power of HEX168.  Fly with the speed of Kazooie, be protected by the guns of Master Chief, and let not your promises of safe return be simply a Fable.  Be this not a goodbye, but a new, healthier, less heat-enduced stress beginning!