lament of personal exile (Psalm 137)

in the silence of my heart
there I sat down and wept
and remembered Zion

but i have cast off my hopes
and hung them far too high
i cannot reach them

but the world wants a happy face
the world wants me singing
the world wants my soul silenced

how can i sing?

if i don't sing for You
may my voice crack and stumble
if i don't smile for You
may my lips crack and crumble
if i don't remember You
may my mind falter and fumble

and remember me, oh Lord
as You destroy my insecurities
and smile for me, oh Lord
as You break my hardened heart
and i will sing for You
with moist lips and a thoughtful mind