when you hear a bang
and gas masks fall
something might be wrong
when it's hard to breathe
you only hear white noise
something might be wrong
when the air rushes in
and the stewardess is calm
something might be wrong
(in response to this: http://www.komotv.com/stories/40979.htm)
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listen
If I apologised
it wouldn't make it all unhappen
wouldn't make the darkness go away
If I apologised
it wouldn't mean I was forgiven
wouldn't mean you wanted me to stay
But
it's a dream
when you seem
to be walking into the sun
we're on first
unrehearsed
and we still don't know what we've done
so we don't say anything.
If I apologised
I don't suppose you'd even notice
even though I'd whisper it inside
If I apologised
we could be the perfect couple
Well we could, but only in my mind
but
if you ask
for the mask
then we're stumbling on through the dark
But we wait
it's too late
And we only had to be asked
so we don't say anything.
It couldn't hurt to try it
It couldn't hurt too much to try
It's there beyond the quiet
it couldn't hurt too much to fly...
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you must see MirrorMask. visually compelling, with a unique setting for the typical "journey" plot. i'll admit, there's a slight disconnect with the images being so other-worldly... but it works to focus you in to the main character. And then when you finally get the chance to connect with one of the characters... well, i don't want to spoil it.
And, interestingly enough, to me the most emotional scene doesn't involve the main characters... and, as the tragedy it is, the main characters don't hardly mention it but with an aside comment. but again, no spoilers... talk to me after you've seen it!
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"though the love song comes in many guieses.... they all address God. For it is the haunted premise of longing that the true love song inhabits"
"i believe the love song to be a sad song, for it is the noise of sorrow itself"
"we all experience within us... (some portuguse word, which means) an inexplecibable longing; an unamed and enigmatic yearning of the soul."
"longing is the desire to be transported from the darkness into light"
"the love song is the light of God, deep down, blasting up through our wounds"
"the love song must resonate with the whispers of sorrow and the echoes of grief. the writer who refuses to explore the darker regions of the heart wil never be able to write convincingly about the wonder and the magic and the joy of love. for just as goodness cannot be trusted unless it has breathed the same air as evil - the enduring metaphor of Christ crucified between two criminals comes to mind here - so within the fabric of the love song, within its melody, its lyric, one must sense an acknowledgement for its capaticty for suffer."
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life is too easy.
we don't scrap for food, we don't gather around a fire. we have food handed on plates bred by some mysterious person... somewhere. wherever restraunts find chicken.
we pay someone else to build a dwelling that we can't afford. we get mad at video games and anticipate the next "product" to come out.
and it's so hard to sit back and enjoy all these little pleasures... but we've been trained to just sit back and complain.
and we, as Christians, who have inherited the earth... why is it so hard sometimes to smile and enjoy? why is it so hard to let go of stress and let go of ourselves?
i just want to be content and happy. and be content that everyone else is content and happy.
why do so many of us miss out on enjoying life and can't even understand why?
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I love my friends.
I love Tasha and Logan and Mark and Stefan and Amy and Andrea and Andy and Shawn and Leslie and Gary and Thomas and Aaron and Dan and Adam and Matt and Darrel and James and Chris and Jordan and, of course, Ashley - and so on and so on.
And one thing that I've always loved abot my friendships is openness and honesty. That if there was something I wanted to discuss, I know I'd have a multitude to do so with. That if there was something they wanted to discuss, they know that I'd be open to talking about whatever. And so, I love it (honestly, not sarcastically) when a friend says "hey... that offends me." Or when they say,"hey... that doesn't seem right. what's going on here?" Or when they just say, "Hey Aaron - I love you."
So, in my small sphere of friendships... it seems that my previous post ("A Hope Realized"), one that I wrote because of joy and happiness and - well - hope, has offended some friends. And, hopefully that's okay. Hopefully we're still "dear" friends. The post was never meant to offend, the post was an outpouring of where I am in life, it was about me finally "getting it."
It was about me realizing that all these lies that society and tv and locker rooms and theatre groups and websites and friends and exes and men and women have told me were just that - lies.
It was about me trying to stand up and say to other men out there, "Hey! I got fooled! Being a man has absolutley NOTHING to do with the size of your * or how you use it! Being a man has NOTHING to do with how hot of a girl you can get to sit by your side! Being a man has NOTHING to do with what your fetish is or whether you've been with two girls at once! We've all been LIED to! There is something so much better! Really!"
It was me being honest... saying that hey... I fell for that midrift. Hey... I sought out that leg. Hey... listen... I was told that a woman would only stay with you if you can give her an orgasm. And I was told wrong, I know this now.
It was me saying that when you fall in love, when you find a woman that doesn't have to use her body to get your attention... when you find a real woman, one kiss from her will be more intoxicating than some random orgasm.
It was me being real, saying to my friends, my brothers, to anyone who might stumble on this site... I admit it. I had those random orgasms. I SOUGHT out those random orgasms. And they don't compare to a kiss backed by love.
And somehow, some of the people that I truly do hold dear, whose opinions count, who I only wish I saw more of, took offense at this post. And that's ok.
It's ok because I haven't live their life and they haven't lived mine. They don't know what I've gone through. They weren't around for the relationships I've been in. They haven't seen me with my most raw insecurities, thinking that because I was the biggest kid in 6th grade that no girl would ever want me. They havn't seen that nearly every relationship in high school ended with the girl leaving me for another guy or because I wouldn't put out.
They haven't seen that I suddenly had more girls at my attention then I knew what to do with when I did start to kiss around. They haven't seen how that messed up my perception of a what a man should be.
And I?
I haven't seen their lives, their relationships that formed them. I haven't seen what images and memories the words "open legs" or "midrift" or "dirty lips" might conjure up. I don't know the power of words and how meaning gets lost in translation - the translation of lives and memories and figurative language.
And I don't know their perceptions of a "real woman" or a "real man" and maybe they've never had to deal with the things I have. Or maybe they've dealt with it on levels much worse (much different - in personal lives our experiences are always worse to ourselves) that I ever have.
And maybe that post was all about me needing to finally just say, "Thank you Ashley - thank you for loving me for me and I want you to know that your kisses, simnple kisses, are so much sweeter than the random orgasms I was confused to believe made me a man."
When people hear that I'm a virgin, I often hear one of two responses:
"Is that because of your religious beliefs?"
"Do you want me to change that?"
To answer the second quesiton, no, I don't.
To answer the first?
No, it isn't.
My religious beliefs coincide with the decision I've made on my sexuality (to be a virgin until marriage) and back it up - but I've chosen chastity because I do believe, regardless of the Church's command (technicality: what is the definition of adultery?) for waiting for marriage because I believe you should. Why?
Because I don't want a child by someone I haven't commited my life to
Because I want to be able to give my wife something I've never given anyone (regardless of whether she can say the same or not - which, up until just a few months ago, I never imagined I might be able to wed a virgin because there are so few out there and regardless of what people may think I implyed, "dirty lips" have nothing to do with the past and everything to do with the mind and heart and intentions).
Because one night of sexual discovery cannot compare to 25 years of sexual discovery.
Because I don't want to wear a condom.
Because I worry enough about STDs from toilets and bedsheets and blood transfusions.
Because my mom wouldn't have wanted me to.
And so, execpt for quoting God, "Brace yourself like a man...", because the intent of the post was about being a man, I purposely tried to stay away from my religious beliefs in that post. Because while they correlate with my sexual identity and choices, they are not the sole driving force.
And that's one of the places I've struggled so much in life... is that practically the only place that says to wait for intercourse is a good thing IS the church! And when you ask why? You get that answer "because you shouldn't. no, no, no. Touching is bad. Kissing is bad. Realizing that 'oh! hey! I have genitalia!' is bad. God says so." And I'm TIRED of that being the only reason.
So I discover that - hey - kissing this woman that I've fallen in love with... it envokes feelings and desires and care and affection that is so different than anything before. People need to know that this is better than kissing some random pair of lips you may never see again! Because I've been there! I know the difference now! MEN! There is hope!!!
If the fact that I discovered a truth in my life for myself, outside of the black & white confines of organized religion, and I want to share it somehow makes someone want no part of Christianity... then... then... then I'm just plain confused.
Because suddenly someone is placing stereotypes on my life's story and not listening. Which is what so many people say is the reason that they don't like Christians.
So do I think girls are to blame? Do I think "dirty girls" are evil and need to be killed and slaughtered and hung on a pole for all to see and mock? Do I think that you (anyone reading this - and anyone not reading this) are evil for having kissed someone other than your mate? Do I think that the moment a girl gives up her virginity to someone, anyone outside of marriage they become tainted and don't deserve love and care and affection?
No. No. No. And no.
My post was to urge men to not look at the girls out there in life who do seek momentary pleasure for the sheer thrill of it and not seeking love. It's to be a man and try to not have your eyes drawn to every thigh and midrift out there in the hopes of chasing it down and being a sexual conquest. It's an urge to realize (because I've been there, I've expereiced it) that there are girls who will try to tell you that your manhood is based on how good you are in bed and if you're still a virgin at 24 then you're still just a kid.
My post was to men. My post was to tell men that you don't have to buy into the lies of sex and lust and false pride. That true love is better than messing around. That a real kiss is better than a random orgasm.
My post was to say "hey - i'm the one whose lips were dirty. I found something better. I got messed up from all that - you don't need to too."
That when you've been told sexual lie after lie your entire post-puberty life... that when you think the only way you'll get a girl (since you won't have sex with them) is to at least be good at everything else... that when you don't understand why girls on first dates, girls that you were dating for less than a month who was your best female friend before that, girls that you thought you were going to marry - that you don't understand why they break up with you because, in their own words, "you won't have sex with me..." that even amongst a life like that, that men - there is still hope.
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I wish someone had told me.
I don't know why no one did. To all my single brothers out there... to all the young men who are trying to figure out this world and are trying to respond to the expectations of sex and love and kisses and physique and looks and manhood.
Become a man. Don't fool around, don't be a slut, don't think that your worth is EVER to be measured on how many girls throw themselves at you or how many you can kiss on the first date or how many show off that leg of theirs. That's all so so worthless.
To steal a phrase from the creative God Himself:
"Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you and you will answer me."
What part of being a man involves lying down with another man's to-be wife?
What part of a man means giving away parts of yourself to some girl whose name you won't remember in 20 years... 10 years... 2 years.
What part of being a man means becoming weak in the knees about something as silly as midrift; how could that compare to one day seeing a much larger midrift carrying your child?
What part of a man means compromising your commitments to yourself (let alone God or your mysterious yet-to-be-named wife) for momentary pleasure?
Now wait.
I've heard all that before. I've heard people say don't do this or don't do that or don't look at this girl or don't touch that one.
I've heard from men "no, no, no."
What we don't hear, what so few people have told me... is how GOOD it will be when you find the woman you love. How beautiful the comfort of simply holding another body near yours not for lust or ego but for comfort and care. How much better it is to have a woman who trusts you and loves you for not proving your manhood via your body and sexual expertise but instead by your lifestyle and your mind and you commitments.
Guys... a gentle touch and strong commitment will find it's way to a worthy heart. A d* just gets you into pants. And those pants are probably used and dirty anyways.
I can go to the store and by a TV dinner with Sirloin Steak. So can you. And you, and you, and you. And yeah... that Sirloin Steak might fill me up. That TV Dinner Sirloin Steak might even taste good! You might think... "hey, I can live on this Sirloin Steak for my life."
And then... you meet a master chef. He marinates his steak, uncooked, untouched, for days. Then, slowly the meat is cooked over an open fire. And you realize what real STEAK is.
Men (and women) you can go out there and give up hope and just be with whatever (whoever) is easy. You can feel powerful, you can feel embraced by society. And then one day you'll try something real.
I'll be honest. I had started to give up hope in feminity... I had met so many women who were trying to woo men with their body and open legs and not their heart and mind. And their abrasiveness and desire to be wanted was so much louder than the real women who respect themselves and love men in the proper, right ways that I almost missed true love.
They spoke so loud that I got lost in what it meant to be a man. What was important. What my soul and emotions and body really needed.
Guys - true love is out there. And it tastes so much sweeter than dirty lips. The reason to wait isn't just some sort of "no, no, no." It's not even to protect you, per se. The reason to wait is because when you find love it will be as a fine wine; so much better than what you could quickly get your hands into.
You've got things to do, a man to become. Don't let sime pair of used, dirty lips dictate to you that sexual pleasure is a substitute for being real. Let go of that false assumption and misguided focus and become a real man.
And then, when you find a real woman, one kiss will intoxicate you more than some random orgasm.
Men, there is hope.
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50 entires. Yeah.
I'm still astounded by the fact that there is documented, scientific proof that there is a mutant - a potential super-hero - among us.
What in the world will become of this boy? Will he win world records in every atheletic class? Will his body crumble under his own mass? Will he don a costume and fight villianry in Germany?
I guess it was just a matter of time. I mean, think about it... who is more a super-villian than bin Laden? He has a secret lair in underground cave tunnels. He has a network of anynomous soldiers who die for the cause he sets before them; and they are actually effective in disrupting society. He gets messages to the mass media... does he take over all the televisions in the world from his underground lair? No - we do that for him.
So we have a super-villain and a young super-hero-in-the-making. Scientists are already pawing all over him with the hopes of recreating his mutation... creating a kind of physical super-human... hello Captain America.
How long is it until we see cyborgs fighting crime? Until there is a true division... those who are physically adept like this german child and us... the normal ones?
And what will be next? Will the body mutate in other ways? This super-human strength and muscular system is most certainly just the beginning.
I know I know, I sound dramamtic... but isn't it that all non-fiction eventually becomes true? Submarine, space travel... when will time travel happen? When will anti-gravity become common place? Just a few days ago the first non-government space launch occured. In our life time we'll be able to travel in the Earth's orbit just as easy as we travel in planes...
Times are changing. When are we going to start seeing a return to the spiritual for Christian? When will we start relying on miracles instead of just beilieving them? Is some Wiccan going to garner more proof of her spell-casting and dealings with the super-natural than we Christians will (because the wiccan community would actually support their witch while the Christian community would blatantly disassociate with whatever person the Holy Spirit brought a miracle through...)?
I'm excited about life suddenly... it may turn out to be more interesting than any of our forefathers dreamed.
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And with this, the world is changed:
http://www.cnn.com/2004/HEALTH/06/24/muscle.gene.ap/index.html
Hello to the reality of what was once fiction; mutants are real.
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After watching the Passion this evening, I've come to three conclusions:
1) The Passion is not a great date movie
2) The Passion is not a great Christian witnessing tool
3) The Passion is not a great movie
That said, The Passion is a movie ever Christ-follower should choose to experience and one that non-Christians might have a struggle understanding. And no, I'm not going against the flow of popular opinion just for "rebellion's sake."
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MORE...
So... explanations: 1) The Passion is not a great date movie I think it would be nigh impossible to make-out during (or after) this movie. There is no sensual show of skin (unless you count Jesus' booty at the end...). There are no sweet words of romantic love or pleasent dreams of marriage. No pouty lips or lines to steal for wooing. Instead, metaphorically (and literally... gotta love the "Christian Paradox TM") it's about a husband taking physical abuse from his slut of a wife. He never seems too emotionally distraught... even though his two best friends (Judas and Peter) leave him to the throes of abuse, his mother seems to be a constant source of emotional fulfillment. The only reason you might hold a companion's hand during this film is for emotional support at the slicing of humanity that you watch; the discomfort of pain. If you're able to get anything other than a sentimental, meaningful, comforting kiss after this film... then truly you are detached from humanity. If you are a pair of normal people who have yet to meet this hand-holed Christ, then the movie will likely confuse you. It will seem like a gloried blood & guts movie with all the blood and guts spilling from one human and not 100. If you are a pair of Christ-followers, then seeing this movie will leave you emotionally drained and needing time alone. And if you're the delicate relationship of a believer and non-believer, then you're going to have a lot of explaining to do to your mate, Child of God. 2) The Passion is not a great Christian witnessing tool Here's the problem with using The Passion as a "witnessing" tool. The viewer gets to witness the last days of the Son of God where he does little more than take punishment for simply being I AM. The flashbacks interspersed throughout give a good taste of Christ's life and teachings... but I'm not sure it gives enough to truly hook the viewer. There are several spots where, without prior biblical knowledge, one would be left thinking Christ is simply delusional. But hey, he did create a nice table. I realized in watching this movie that Christianity is so hard to define in one event. If it's defined in one event, I'm not so sure I'd choose the torture of Christ; His resurrection? Perhaps. The tounges of flame igniting the Holy Spirit? Perhaps. The second coming? Perhaps. But the torture of Christ? That's just the catalyst to the battle... not the whole story. I'm afraid that The Passion has already become a 'sacred cow' in the Christian sub-culture; a virtual God-send of a movie. This movie will not save lives. The Gospel is not presented. The movie will spark questions... but I'm not sure a lot of Christians would really be ready to answer them. It's a bit odd... before the movie I was kind of bothered by all the movie tie-ins and curriculmn. The "Meet the Man in the Movie" billboards and the "Meet the Cast" or "Behind the Scenes" sermon series seemed cheesy and pointless. However, now that I've seen the movie... they make sense. The movie does little more than create an opening for conversation or puts an image to the stories of Christ that people have been telling. I guess that just goes to say how jaded I've become... it seems to me like people are always looking for a sure-fire way to "win souls to Christ." This movie reaffirms that it takes truth and relationships for someone to truly understand Christ's mission and to recieve the gifting of the Holy Spirit. Without bases for understanding (why was Jesus' teaching cause for death? how do we know that Jesus is the Son of God besided maing people mad enough at him to kill him?) then a lot of the movie can be taken as simply watching a really really long torture scene. 3) The Passion is not a great movie So yeah. Here's my last big problem with the movie: I really don't think it's a movie. It's a work of art, yes. But... it's not entertaining. It doesn't succeed there at all... while I was watching I just wanted it to be over. Not because it was boring, per se... but because it just was so gruesome. The flashbacks were, without question, the best part of the movie. I was longing for more truth and less violence. I know that the point of the movie was to show the experience of His crucifixion (I thought to myself... I'm not sure I could walk up that hill to Golgotha and not be winded... let alone do it all scarred and cut... let alone with a big heavy cross... wow... Christ the athelete and a half). But I really wanted to see more of His life. I don't think I've met a single person who has wanted to see it a second time. And I'm not too sure that I want to. I can watch Jesus Christ Superstar over and over again. I wilil watch Last Temptation whenever its on for the intellectual stimulation. But I have no desire to ever again see a man crucified so graphically. Or to watch my Beloved scourged nearly to death. It's not that I want to belittle His sacrifice. It's just that I don't want to be entertained by it. The Passion is an experience to be remembered. Not one to be cherished. But... I do think that every Christ-follower should experience The Passion. "Modern" Christianity has watered down both the reality and mystical of our faith. The film does a great job at portraying both. The reality of His blood. The fact that He... nor anyone who knows Him, questions the mysticism of His power. The fear of the earthquake and the realisation of the torn asunder Holy of Holies. I think everyone should see not what He had to go through... but the determination He had to get to that cross and die for our sins. I've always kind of had the image that he just wound up there... weak and with decreasing care.... just to get through the motions. Instead, the movie shows Him getting up again and again... He wanted to save us. He wanted to take on our sins. He wanted to forgive us. He was determined. So yeah... The Passion isn't a great date movie or an entertaining movie or the end-all-and-be-all-of-witnessing-tools. But it is something to be experienced. When you're ready. And if I ever were to buy the DVD? It'd be to show my children, when they're ready. Or my friends, if they hadn't seen it. But one torture of my King is enough to watch. I put Him through enough every day with my sins.So yeah - just saw the movie 50 First Dates and it rawked.
Besides Drew Barrymore being one of the cutest actresses ever, the movie really is a fairly valid look at how love can conquer all. It's a movie that rests in the concept that true love - no matter how hard of a struggle to maintain, create, atempt - will always prevail. The in true love where people cleave together, yoke together, that they will give up past ways and past desires to please simply each other.
But in today's 2-career families with business of lifestyles, ease of attention from net chatters and ease of opening legs, how does this love apply to 21st Century Life?
The movie works because Adam Sandler's character devotes his life to Drew Barrymore's. He takes whole days off of work with no consequence. Her love, her life is more important to him than his own. And isn't that the way it should be? I mean, really should be?
It kills me how this world wounds us and slays us and forces us to eat darkness. We are over-sexed and under-clothed and too too proud.
I should not have to guard my heart! It shouldn't be so twisted and tormented that any relationship has to begin with a healing of wounds that the other placed there. It shouldn't be that I can almost expect others hearts to be as messed up as mine - or even more so.
It shouldn't be that the gifts of virginity and purity (two seperate gifts) are tossed aside because our minds get filled with images and stories that it has to recreate to understand.
It shouldn't be that we give attention and pieces of love to others... only to be torn asunder time and again.
I know now why girls like "chick flicks." The dream, the idealization that against all odds... there is another who loves them. There is another that gives up their work, their time - yea, their life - all for them. All for them.
Jesus.
What I don't understand is why we as humans yearn for this perfect love and throw obstacles in the way. We're scared of what others might think. This perfect love might not happen to fit into our future plans. This love might make people think differntly about us. This perfect love might make us think differently about ourselves - and forbid it that we be introspective.
And even when we find that love.. we think other things to be more important. Work, play. Sex, toys and video games. The dog, taking out the trash.
Ugh - now i'm just getting fiesty.
Why oh why have we fragile humans become so cruel and to break each other - so broken that we are scared to truly, deeply, passionately love?
Why is it that it takes a silly movie by Adam Sandler to put it all in focus instead of it already being there?
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The FBI has issued a terror warning to police to look out for individuals carrying almanacs or maps, reports AP.
The warning was sent to 18,000 officers before Christmas. Almanacs, warns the FBI, may be used "to assist with target selection and pre-operational planning." The Bureau acknowledges that there may be "legitimate recreational or commercial activities" that justify an individual carrying around a map or reference book.
The publisher of Old Farmers Almanac has vowed to co-operate with law enforcement agencies at every level. But it's too late to contact the author of the United States best known almanac, as the suspect eluded authorities by dying 213 years ago.
Readers are advised to find and remove any portions of almanac that may be lying around on their hard disk. Particularly if it's this one, from those subversive fifth columnists at Langley.
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