I find solace in knowing I never kissed her. Suprisingly.

RalphL1498: hi Mimic One: hey hey Mimic One: was just trying to call you on the home phone Mimic One: but then i realized that not having long distance means... i can't call long distance RalphL1498: Mom had chemo today Mimic One: wanna call my house? (left the cell at work by accident) RalphL1498: Doctor had to decrease to dose from 1200 to 1000 due to the nefgative affect on her red blood cells Mimic One: that's not good, eh? RalphL1498: Well we will see RalphL1498: It means that the chemo will not be as strong as he would like Mimic One: so mom will be more comfy... RalphL1498: Hope so Mimic One: good RalphL1498: But the chemo maynot be strong enough to stop the spread of the cancer Mimic One: so he'll try to find a balance between the two? or do surgery again? RalphL1498: We won't know anything for a couple of months Mimic One: ok RalphL1498: She cannot be cut on RalphL1498: This treatment is the only thing to control it. There is no cure Mimic One: why can't she be cut on? RalphL1498: She is postive and is planning on being around for Sharon's wedding in Nov Mimic One: it's not so serious that she wouldn't be around in Nov... is it? RalphL1498: The cancer is in her tissue RalphL1498: Won't know until she has her tests in a couple of months RalphL1498: Doctor Cody will not give us a time table Mimic One: how are you? RalphL1498: Each person is different and affect them differently. Mom is strong which is good RalphL1498: I have my good days and sometimes I have a sad day Mimic One: the church out here is praying for you both often... they always ask and genuinely care Mimic One: as am i, of course RalphL1498: Knowing that this will kill her is hard. Since there is nothing I can do to change it Mimic One: do you not think this tumor set will go away? RalphL1498: No Mimic One: no as in you don't think it will go away? or no as in you don't think it will kill her..? RalphL1498: It can be controlled but the cancer will appear somewhere else since it is in her blood stream RalphL1498: She is in stage four cancer for which there is no cure, if she stops chem she would die in a short period of time Mimic One: but there's no reason why she'd stop the chemo, right? RalphL1498: she has been given 20 months so far RalphL1498: There is no reason to stop since she wants to be around to see Sharon get married Mimic One: but she'd consider stopping after that? RalphL1498: Did you get the web site for the 200 dollar contoller RalphL1498: I don't think she will Mimic One: haven't looked at it yet Mimic One: why would she? RalphL1498: She would stop if she becomes a burden to me RalphL1498: By that I mean she become bed ridden and needs a nurse to take care of her Mimic One: she doesn't want that i take it? RalphL1498: She doesnot want tobe like her dad before he died Mimic One: ...are you ok with that? RalphL1498: I understand - Love has strange ways of showing its self

Sigh - it seems when you get out of the habit of doing things... you stop doing them. Rec Lab is finished, out of my life... truck is back, items are back in their places and I should be getting paid tomorrow. One of these days.. when I've had enough distance, I'll have to write a final closing remarks for Rec Lab 2004. One of the worst weeks of my life. So here's the problem with maintaining a blog... If I'm not at a computer when I'm thinking... then it seems silly to think it all again just to get it on the website. If I've already worked through something in my head... why sit on those thoughts and reguritate them to the world? I've had many a thought in the past two weeks... just never been around a computer to put them down in text. It's almost a touch discouraging, because blogging really is a great way of working through thoughts... but it forces you to keep a somewhat positive outlook on things... just in case someone gets ahold of your thoughts. So... things I have thought about... Rec Lab - ugh. I really don't want to get into that... Pride - Pride's a funny thing. Sunday I had one of those awkward moments in life... where you see someone you've been missing so much. You see them and you want to just run up to them, give them a hug, pick them up in the air, twirl them around.... but you hesitate and now you're already face to face and so it'd be weird to do. And then you start talking... and you want to say how good it is to hear their voice. How you miss their sense of humor... how things seem a touch more real around them. How they encourage your faith in God simply because you know that person... but instead you start the conversation about some meaningless thing... so it's too late to be serious... and who really wants to let their guard down and tell someone, "hey you - you're special. i want you in my life. please" because... what if they see you as needy? What if they say they don't want you in theirs? What if they say, "that's nice... but you're freaking me out. I'll call you later." And then... for whatever reason... they choose to use physical touch just to make a point... like emphaizing a syllable of a word. And sho they touch your elbow... nothing special. Nothing intimate, nothing erotic, nothing bold... a simple touch... like one might give to a friend... or even a stranger. But that touch was so unexpected that it sends what seems to be electricity up your arm and cause you both to pause for a moment. And you don't understand so much. And then you say an unsettling goodbye... because there's a lull in the conversation. And you're much to prideful to say "hey... i miss you. can we spend time together? now?" Because saying that might mean too much... i might say that you really care... and God knows we have to keep these hearts of ours guarded with a 1000 shields. And you pull away... drive away... because in today's society it's so wrong to be want people in our lives. It's so wrong to be dependant on others. It's so wrong to want a person's attention... we should be independant. We should be strong. And we can only give give give... it's so wrong to take from someone. So wrong. sigh - i'm tired now... time for sleep. I get to go to work again tomorrow -- and so, i have to self edit... and i just deleted two paragraphs. always have to be thinking... who might be reading this little vanity site... nothing too special. feel free to email me if you really care -- finally, prayers for my mom. her cancer treatments are starting to get to her... that's all I really know.

Wow. It's 2:15 and I'm just now finally getting ready for bed. Been working on the tech stuff since 9am. Between delays for the room not being cleaned by the convention center, to tripping breakers, to the eMac's hard drive crashing, to not getting to do a full sound check, to etc to etc to etc. But we got through it. Andy's a trouper - kept calm during it all. But, most importantly, looking around during worship, people seemed to really be worshipping. And after everything went down with after the services, Andy and I got in there and fixed it all up... lots more to do tomorrow, but it seems like things are on the upswing... yip yip.

Hello all - Aaron here writing from the cold city of Orlando, FL. Andy Woods and I are out here as the techies of Rec Lab, working as the production crew for Rec Lab 2004. We'll be in charge of lights, sound and projection - the usual. The hotel campus we're at is huge, with some of the best service I've ever seen - if we want, we can call the main office and they'll send someone to pick us up and drive us to the lobby and junk. Craziness. We got in around 7 and thought we were going to unload - but MetaboLife was having a conference in the rooms we need, so we can't load in until tomorrow at 9 am. That's going to be tough - we start unloading at 9 and have to be up and running at 6. That's the set up of two projectors, screens, a 24-channel board running into 8 channels of amp for mains and 7 monitors, 3 Martin Mac 250 Kryptons, 2 Martin Mac 250s, 2 Martin Mac 300s, 4 Martin Mini-Mac Profile, 4 Martin Mini-Mac Washes, 8 pars... you get the point. Lots of tech work tomorrow. So tonight we relaxed and ate an incredible mean at the AUSSIE STEAK HOUSE here on International in Orlando. One of the best meals ever... great aligator tail, great chicken soup, great great steak. Yup, I said aligator tail - picture proof in the gallery. Sleep time cometh... write later.

A few days ago... Tuesday, to be exact... was a vey rough day. You see, not only did my dating status with Daphne change to not... But a man who is very important to me dissapointed me. I felt very rejected by this man. After all he had done so far... I had such high hopes for where he and I would go in the future together. I was so looking forward to what he had to say to me that day. But instead... he failed me. And now, I'm seeking comfort in the words.... of another man... You see... I clocked out at 11 am to hear Steve Jobs' keynote speech at MacWorld San Francisco. I took a TWO HOUR cut in pay so I could hear what wonderful new toys Steve was bringing me. And instead of something great, something amazing, I get... this: Now granted, they're cute... in an Austin Powers sort of way. But they're not what I expected... sort of. I mean they are - I was wanting Steve Jobs to tell me to run out and buy one of these new mini-iPods. But I wanted him to tell me I couldn't resist.. I wanted him to say I, too, could own one of these designer pieces for the mere price of $100. I would have been happy for $150. I would have been happy for that price to be buyin gan only 2Gig model. But no. $250 for 4Gigs of music. Why must Steve Jobs tease me so? But low and behold, who is this man who woos me away with promises of connectivity? Who promises me ease-of-use? Who promises me a portable player... the size of an iPod... for... music AND video? Hello Bill Gates, you never looked so good. Yes folks, it is a wonderful day for us geek-folk. So what items have made me lust so far from the CES show? Here we go... WESTERN DIGITAL MEDIA CENTER http://news.com.com/2100-7353_3-5136070.html?tag=nefd_top Samsung HLP5677W DLP HDTV Samsung HT-DB490 HTiB http://www.cnet.com/4520-7912_1-5115862-1.html?tag=top Motorola HD DVR http://www.cnet.com/4520-7912_1-5112091-1.html?tag=more

Feeling sleepy and cold and it's only 9:30. I'm thinking I'll call it an early night. Distance, if only a few hours, can do one some good to help think on things. My mind keeps wanting to revert to thinking "what did I do wrong?" It keeps wanting to say "what about when she did this little thing like scratching my back that seemed so important at that moment?" or "what about the endless smile during our christmas date?" And yet, I have this peace and stillness knowing that this is OK.

MORE...

I know that it's OK that I'm having the usual "shift in thinking" that comes with a break up, no matter how big or small, no matter how good or bad. I know that I didn't do anything "wrong" - just that two people embarked on an adventure... and one wanted to keep going when the other saw another path to venture down. I know that we'll still be friends because the time invested in each other was/is real and we really do like each other as people... just a slight absence of a spark somehow. And no matter how bad sympathies and trite comments make me want to feel like something went wrong - it didn't. That's the annoying part. Ugh... stupid human emotions. Bugger that - stupid Satan for wanting to influence my divinely created emotions. This is all OK. And though my mind wants to recede and have some sort of defeatist attitude, my spirit leaps for joy; all the awkwardness and desires will fade away and I'll be gifted with a sister to journey with. Can there be any greater gift from God than allowing us to play with his other creations? Allowing us to interact and stumble and bump into each other's lives... being influences and being influenced? God using our divine gift of reason to reason out the supernatural, sharing stories of His Glory and His Power? And us, like little children, trying to imitate that which we see God do so amazingly - love. And so we try and try and we try. And sometimes we get it right with the wrong person. And sometimes we get it wrong with the right person. And sometimes we are too close to soon to far too late, missing our most oppertune time by a misplaced sentance or an embarressed silence. What greater gift is there, then, than the brotherhood and sisterhood of Christendom, where we are allowed to make mistakes and bump the wrong way and stumble at the wrong time? Where forgiveness reigns supreme so that awkward is only an awkward word and joy is present even if we only know of each other's spirit, never even getting to taste from it? And if we, as God's children, are to be gifted one day in a communion of three - husband, bride, God - then how can I possibly hold regret that God would drive a spirit to say "wait" - we, who we are this day and at this time and in this resturaunt - we are not to take this path any longer until/unless we are directed back on it. Instead, I must rejoice in knowing that God guarded my heart, her heart, saving them from cuts and knicks and being eaten by someone who wasn't supposed to have it - no matter how nice or pleasant or pretty or spiritual that person was. So I rejoice in your divine Wisdom, God of Solomon who have gifted me not with a mate but a sister with whom I can share your treasure of life. I thank you for watching over us, rewarding us with a succesful ... whatever it was we had. I will not eat this darkness of thought that I did something wrong that I failed that I messed up. God, I have tasted, puckered and pondered and found that this gift is good. Can I rest now?

And so, for the first time on this lil site of mine I have to ask myself... do I really want to share my thoughts on this subject? Do I really want to be transparent for all to see... for those who know me intimately, see me on a daily basis... for even those people whom this lil post might be about to see me? Then I realize that if this little experiemental site of mine to let you know what's going on in my life is to have any validity, to be real at all, then this would be a subject/event that needs be mentioned. It just feels a little naked. So, to clarify, Daphne and I are just friends now. Typing that out seems a touch cold and distant. I guess when you decide that you're going to write an open note to anyone who might stumble across your very own website, it puts things in perspective so you don't play the "woe-is-me-watch-as-i-become-melodramatic-and-beseech-you-for-sympathy" card. Is it a huge big deal in the scheme of my life? That a gal that I dated (only dated, mind you) and I have decided that, at this point (see that... always the lingering hope of things unseen) we are to define the context of our relationship as friendship. This is not the depression-inducing drama of realizing that the girl whom I had money in the bank for a ring is now marrying some other boy she hardly knows. This is not the shock of having a friend whom you had been such good friends wih decide she couldn't be with you because you wouldn't have sex with her. This is not getting to college and finding that the high school crush of years who got there a few weeks before you had already found a football player to flirt with. This is the girl, whom I dated for a month and half, and I, having a succesful dating-relationship. Why successful? My philosophy on dating is this... you date (if the dating step is needed) to answer the question: should we be in a relationship or not. This step can often be skipped if you area already friends and from there you can stumble in to round two of romance: a relationship (in which the goal is to answer the question should you get married or not). So we have played that game and found our answer of the dating question: no, we should not engage in a romantic relationship (at this time). Yes, we should continue the friendship because it is pleasurable to us both. So why is this so bothersome? Probably because, whether I want to admit it (brag it, seems more apt), I am a leader by nature. I look back in my life... I lead the group of Christians in my high school who had the audacity to actually form a bible study in a public school. In college I handpicked my friends to make a closley-woven group of perfect dynamics. And here in Nashville, I struggle to introduce friend to friend to friend. Of course, all that leads to when I find someone new that I enjoy, I tend to speak on them... an introduction without the person even being there. Now; magnify that by someone I enjoy enough to say "yes, I will share the yoke of dating you on a regualr basis (not a one-off)." I don't know that there's a single person with whom I've come into communicatory contact with in the past month who has not heard the name "Daphne" from my vocal chords. Now I get to recant and explain that Daphne and I are not dating, but instead are friends. And while I'm ok with that... I know how these things go. People want to know why. People want to sympathize and so on and so forth. If you are reading this, understand: I don't know why. Guess the romance spark didn't click enough... or the wasn't enough effort to decide that it was worth sparking. Or, I can be truly transparent and say what I'm really thinking. What I'm really thinking is this world has hurt hearts so badly that we humans look away when we find something different. We are scared to embrace that which is a mystery. Because of a differing background, a differing opinion we question the saftey of this brave, bold (prideful?), new person. Or because we've made so many mistakes in the past that we don't want to share our burden with someone else... afraid they'll buckle under the weight of our own worlds we drag around behind us. Or maybe we're scared that this other being, this spirit that my spirit is so attentive to, might get hurt by us. Daphne was the first gal I know who told me that it was ok if she felt bad if she did something to hurt me. The first date to tell me not to apologize for letting her know when she did so. The first date to apologize for it... and mean it... and the first girl I can say that I saw an active drive to not do that same thing again. And blah blah blah I feel like I'm writing something not quite right. Like I'm missing the morale of the story. Oh, I get it. I keep saying I. I guess that's the nature of changes in romance. I was quite happy with dating Daphne. I was quite unoccustomed to and cofused by the slow nature of our romantic pace... but that slow smooth burn was intruging me, leading me... somewhere. I just didn't know where or when we'd get there. Unfortunately it appears that slow smooth burn wasn't because that's the natural order of things like relationships. It was because Daphne wasn't quite into the dating me thing. The dividing point became then where I was headed and where Daphne was headed - too much I not enough we. And I'm still talking. Blah blah blah. Blogs: the catharthis of emotion for people who have too much time on their hands. I guess that's the problem here for me. I was happy dating Daphne... happy enough that I had integrated her into my life. Mom and Dad and Sharon have seen her picture. Logan and Mark and Wicker have met her. The boss at work and Rena want to meet her. So while I chose to integrate Daphne as the girl I'm dating... Daphne chose to integrate me into her life as a friend. I'm ok with that (I know, my babbling makes it sound like I'm not). I guess that's the real reason i'm posting this elongated explanation - friends of Aaron, we must re-christen Daphne not as the-gal-Aaron-is-dating but the friend-of-Aaron's-who-is-neat. This means no name calling or car egging or general talking bad about her in my prescence. No "you can do better" because only God knows who I'll be with; someone "better," "worse," or just plain "different" (you should all know me by now to know that there is no "better" or "worse" person in my life.. everyone is beautful, everyone is a God-creation). Note to self: Aaron, this is girl number #3 (Jen G and Ashleigh) whom you dated and never kissed. All three turned from romance to friendship all too soon. Is the bond of a kiss that strong? And the bond of respect, the bond of patience that weak? What, pray tell, is the balance between the two? Answer to self: By not kissing you did to save much heart-ache, I imagine. Don't kiss until time is right. Don't think about it so much. I keep saying "for now," as in some sort of suggestion that there's more to the story. That there might be a round 2 of romance for one Miss Daphne and I. You never know... but I don't expect it. Daphne captured my attention, but I don't know that she really tried to capture my heart. In respect of her, nothing more happens until she makes a try for that heart. A try for attention won't get it now... we are friends. Attention is expected. Ball is in her court... for now. I think I'm done typing now. Doubtful that I'm done churning this in my head... confident that Daphne and I will remain friends. And so, the waves of change following being single begin a new...

Since I'm not sleepy, why not be introspective? Goodbye 2003.... what did you ever do for me? Click on 'more' to read 40 questions about Aaron circa 2003...

01. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before? I went to not one, but two big conventions - WizardWorld Chicago and Dragon*Con. Both made me even more of a fan of the things I like... it makes me wonder how much fun I've missed in the past. Thanks so much to James for Chicago's Big Adventure and to the Dragon*Con crew. 02. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn't have any. In fact, I really don't remember what I even did on New Year's 2003. 03. Did someone close to you give birth? Yes... Luke and Brittany. If I have one regret, it's not seeing their child yet. 04. Did anyone close to you die? "i never took the time to stop and realize that death takes many forms, even while alive" - Goodbye, by Plankeye 05. What countries did you visit? canadia, eh. 06. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003? a steady signifcant other. 07. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Nov 26. First date with the most intelligent gal I've ever taken out on... well, a date. And a good date to, at that. 08. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year? Guess that would be moving into/buying the house. Wow. Seems like so long ago. 09. What was your biggest failure(s)? Not being able to connect with the team, the students, the office... and most importantly, God in the ways I should have this summer during FUGE. Camp raped my life by coming in out of no where and throwing me around for a ride I was no where prepared for physically, mentally or spirituallt. Thank you Jesus for carrying me throw that with all my stumbling and sleeping and confusion. 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Breif illness here and there. Oh - and Rec Lab when I almost died. Wow... that was 2003 as well. I almost forgot about that. 11. What was the best thing you bought? Bought? That means I had to exchange money for some sort of material good, right? My mom's christmas present... an Apple-made photo album of the family. Not only did it help pay for Steve Job's lunch (or, if we estimate a cheap lunch of $10.. then a week's worth of lunches), but my dad was able to help in scanning the pictures and my mom absolutely loved it. The right gift at the right time for the right reason. It's something that I honestly hope to inherit one day. 12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Behavior? James Baggett. The faithful friend who not only climbed out of the debt whole, but celebrated it by giving me one of the most memorable gifts I've ever had - Chicago Wizard World 2003. Paid for it all, he did. He calls and I so seldom find the time to call him back because I'm just terrible at that sort of thing... but he calls anyway. One of the most loyal friends I have. 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My own. Seems there are things that I should have learned by now. Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life. How does God reach us? Through the heart. And so, when we break off those little pieces, He gets to spend time rebuilding, rekindling, renuturing that love He developed in us. And as those wounds heal, we bleed love in all the wrong places. The love He has for us gets poured out in the wrong ways. And it's not fair that this poor heart of mine is to be so damaged and wounded when I hand it out to the right reciever. Forgive me, future bride. 14. Where did most of your money go? Credit card bills. But that's what happens when you move into a house, but stuff like a TV and couch and table and lawn mower and so forth and so on. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Caffiene. Not the drug, but the coffee shop. And not really the coffee shop, at that - the people in it. I've always wanted a place where I could go as a refuge... and knowing that any time when I'm having a long day at work I can drive down the street and see the Troika of my closest nashvillian friends - Tasha, Logan and Mark - it gives me a feeling that I truly am making a place for myself... and making true friends in a world so blah. Number 2 would be working at RCKTWN. Never thought I'd be running sound or light or stage managing at a place I always dreamt of visiting... never once thought I'd be part of the crew. Owe that one to God and prayer. I think I wrote an entry on that a while back... or at least thought about writing one. 16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2003? "Going Under" by Evanescence (My "moving into the house" album) "God Thinks" by Voltaire (Dragon*Con) "Hurt" by Johnny Cash (Dragon*Con) "The World Can Wait" by Over the Rhine (it's OtR... come on) "So Not About Me" by Paige (for FUGE 2003) "Be Thou My Vision" by Pedro the Lion (for the 24GOD video that never aired...) "Hush" by Waterdeep (for retinroducing me to good music) 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: older. and i feel like it. ii. thinner or fatter? fatter. i ate too much at the LifeWay cafe. i've actually been losing weight lately since Caffiene food is more expensive for less food. ;-) iii. richer or poorer? poorer. $6957.81 in debt, before the $99,466.31 left on the house's principle 18. What do you wish you'd done more of? pray. read the bible. 19. What do you wish you'd done less of? sleep. no really. 20. How did you spend Christmas? in Cincy with the family. 22. Did you fall in love in 2003? heh. read the blog on "The Last First Kiss." Did I fall in love? I don't believe we fall in love.. but we choose to love. But for the sake of the question... I fell into the love of friends in Tasha/Logan/Mark. I fell in love with reading good comics, not just the ones that i'm expected to read because they're popular. I fell in love with my job... fell out... and now am coming back around to it. 23. How many one-night stands? I'm a virgin by choice, and staying that way. One-night-kissing-sessions? Eh, c'mon... like you really want to know... ew. 24. What was your favorite TV program? buffy. angel. the screen savers. he-man. .hack. 25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? hate's a strong word. heh... i really don't think I hate anyone. 26. What was the best book you read? Wild at Heart. no question whatsoever there (unless we're including the Bible... yeah yeah - typical sunday school answer) 27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Pedro the Lion (i discovered him in 2002, but didn't buy an album until this year... does that count?) Over the Rhine (same thing... KaZaa...) Evanesence 28. What did you want and get? real friendships. see again: tasha/logan/mark; shawn; andy; rena; james; michelle; beth; daphne... several of those have been friends for quite a while. I was just too guarded to realize how good of friends they truly were. a church home: mosiacnashville.org a real techie job: rcktwn.com 29. What did you want and not get? the second buffy game that's on sale for $20 for the xbox. an iPod. being told from work that i did a good job this past summer. 30. Favorite film of this year? dare i say it? Pirates of the Carribean 31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? turned 23. I'm thinking that we were leaving for WizardWorld Chicago 32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? becoming classified as full time at LifeWay. 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003? fashion? appearntly "not-good-enough-for-professional-casual-attire." or so i've been told. 34. What kept you sane? dreams. 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? christopher walken. oh.. fancy.. the biritsh word for "attraceted to/like in a romantic way." hmmm... yup. Christopher Walken. 36. What political issue stirred you the most? anti-Christian sentiment... for Christmas. C'mon people. Christmas. Christ-mas. CHRIST - MASS. Our Lord and Saviour, JESUS CHRIST. AND a MASS. A Worship GATHERING. Yeah. Obviously Christmas has nothing to do with Jesus and those silly Christians. Oi. 37. Who do you miss? Sarah. You liked to talk a lot... but at least you liked talking to me. Stephie. I want the Stephie I knew back... not this girl that preaches things she doesn't really believe. Jason. Thank you for protecting our country. But c'mon man... you even helped me pick out the paint on my walls. I miss you buddy. Bethie G. My first Nashvillian friend. I only dont talk to you that often because it hurts knowing that this Sunday I'm not buying the food and you're not cooking it. And that I won't hear you sing anytime soon. 38. Who was the best new person you met? Gotta take the easy out and say Daphne. I've learned so much from Nov 26 on... 39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003: You've never met a mere mortal (CS LEWIS) 40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: Hush little baby don't say a word Daddy's gone and bought you a great big heaven to rest in He's bought it with blood and put the seal in your heart it'll give you the hope you need to get up and start again when all the things you thought you left behind are still hanging on and everything you try to do right ends up all wrong and on the inside everyone else seems basically fine but on the inside even they won't let go of the dead and cling to what's alive well I AM (Hush, by WATERDEEP

So it's 10:40pm and I'm trying to get my body to wind down. The problem is... I don't know how to do it. I used to have a routine in college... my friend Thorny and I would sit and drink some tea... a nightcap to the evening before we went to bed. It got my body into a routine... the tea signalled bedtime. So I looked to drink some tea... but my roomies have drank all or my bottled water while I was away to Cincy... and I can't stand tap water. So I called the gal-whom-I-am-dating-yet-am-not-yet-exclusive-with, Daphne, only to be greeted by her voice mail. I was hoping for a lesson from her on how she gets to sleep. Oh well. I thought about reading something... but I do that far too often. I'll try to read a comic book before I go to bed... but comics are like caffiene for the brain and I find that reading them only makes me more awake and imaginative. So I figured I'd speak on my plight here on my little site-o-vanity and hope something effective leaves my brain and triggers something in me that says "oh! he wants to go to sleep. all systems, prepare for noctural rest." But I don't guess that will happen. Where oh where will i find my ticket to visit the Dream King. Eh. I wish I had something to say. I guess I'll just watch the new episode of He-Man. It's now 10:53. That took way too long to write.

Wow... There is just so much to write about right now. The first is how good it is to get in front of a computer. I know it sounds silly... but the 36 hours or so it's been since I've been on the net have made me feel very disconnected. No way to check on news, no way to email, no way to blog. And I'm not even a big blogger... but when so many thoughts have happened to me in such a short time... that I actually have something to say... So yeah, I'm in Canada, sans passport. All I can say is... God is awesome and Canadians are nice. I'm on a business trip up here, filming for a missions video for Centri-Kid/Crosspoint. My boss told me I wouldn't need a passport... but the American governement and American Airlines seem to think differently. Suprising, Canada seemed just happy to have me. ;-) AAirlines let me on the plane with the warning that Canada could, if they wanted, fine me up to $10,000. And I may still get fined that much when I come back through customs, I think. So the first thing I did was the only thing I new to do - call a representative from each of my three groups of friends (Tasha from my core group of friends, Daphne from RCKTWN and Thomas from MOSAIC) and ask for lots and lots of prayer. And I knew that it would be alright. So I get off the plane... knowing fully well that I could become the subject of mass interrogation and financial penalty... only to have a sudden confidence. When I got to customs, I literally/honestly felt directed to the last agent on the house right. Sure enough, when I go to the line he was the one to motion me over. Now let me just say how comfortable I felt at this point that God had taken care of me. The only thing running through my head at the time was not to be professional, not to be worried... but that the agent looked like, acted like and straight sounded like my friend Tom from Campbellsville University. I had to contain the laughter... because we always ribbed him about being from Canada. So that was just a part of my Canadian experience... not to mention the heart attack at the church or the french fries with cheese and gravy on them. I'd write more... but I need to rejoin my host. Please pray that my visit with customs going back to the US is just as smooth... and that we hit the $0 fine mark again...

And so, after a year of trying... I'm finally a tech volunteer at Rocketown here in Nashville. What do I think of it so far? It really is quite fun. I've re-met some great people and love having a chance to meet/connect with kids and what not. I really am quite excited about it... it's a shame I'm not in a typing mood.